he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
