It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
