do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
