i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize