Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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