Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
A bitchslap is in order.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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