90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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