I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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