I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
soo... how was my night?
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