By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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