So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
