I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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