he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
