have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
high people should be assigned attendants
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
