What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
