No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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