I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
