He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
