I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
