I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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