Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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