I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
