I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
