this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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