he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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