Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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