She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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