Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
