for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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