You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.