It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
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I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.