dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough