i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
