FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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