i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
