Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
