I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i will never coherently bang her
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
