Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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