Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
