we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
two words...techno handjob
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
