Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
