we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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