I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
