i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
