I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
