I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
