I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
