he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
