you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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