beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
