he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well I just put wine in my tea
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
