Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize