This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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