capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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