I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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