So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
