You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
