We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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