Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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