if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
well you can't waste a boner
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
