lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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