Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need moral support for this bender
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's shark week go big or go home
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
