his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
