Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
