I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
