i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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