I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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