We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
