gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
