Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
