I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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