i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
