Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
