I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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