At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
